my mind keeps taking me two step backward every time i try to step forward

i feel my hesitation has taking over my mind, once again.
i tried to wake up and fight, but what i faced then forcing me down,
i tried to reach the stars, but i could only hold my hands,
i tried to stand up for myself, but once again, it's always others' hands that keeps me from falling.
i tried to think positively, but i couldn't bare to face the truth,
i need mind power, or a hypnosis therapy to keep me sane during my alone time.
because every time i push my mind, i feel less and less optimistic.